one might say we're banned from that church
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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