Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
