nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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