I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
