I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
