It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
