We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
