i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
