did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
