11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
