She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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