You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
