Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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