it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
