Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
