Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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