Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
