Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can text with my tongue
I think my vagina is haunted
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
