when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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