I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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