Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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