I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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