I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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