All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
