I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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