Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
