Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We smell like vodka and hangover
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