It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
