Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I could punch you in the face.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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