and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
