It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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