I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
