i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
