Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
