Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
