i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Randomize
