Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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