I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
