so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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