so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
