Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
