it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
