you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
