you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
