wake up i wanna do it froggy style
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
