i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
