I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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