I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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