Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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