So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
