suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
